Angelica's Floetry
Losing My Grandmother
Tell us about the person you lost.
I lost my Grandmother when I was 15 years old. She was fun, funny, loving, smart, and outgoing. She was the kind of person that would help anyone in need. She could make anyone smile or laugh, even when they were having the worst day. My grandmother had a huge love for music. On any given day you could hear her singing and dancing around the house, as if she was a contestant on the “Voice”. Whenever I was down, she would cheer me up by showering me with hugs and kisses. Even though she was not my biological mother, she was the only real mother figure I ever had.
What’s your favorite memory with this person?
I remember during my 8th grade graduation, my grandmother took so many pictures of me as I walked down to accept my diploma. She was so overwhelmed with emotions that she couldn’t contain her excitement. I remember her saying “My baby looks so beautiful, I can’t wait to see you at your senior prom!”
I think this was a monumental moment for her because she realized that I was no longer a victim of my circumstances anymore.
She was able successfully raise me without any support from my biological mother or father, because she knew that being around them was not a healthy environment for me. The love and care I received from her will never ever be forgotten.
How would you describe grief?
I would describe grief as isolation, loneliness, detachment, hurt, resent, anger and sadness.
Has losing your grandmother inspired you to create anything positive as a result?
When I lost my grandmother, I thought my life was over. I thought success in life was impossible. My grades were horrible, and I pretty much checked out on life. However, after addressing the depression and anxiety that I associated with her loss, I realized that internalizing my feelings was not going to help me get closure from her loss. This self-destructive behavior was actually making my life impossible, and I was allowing her death to control my life. I used my art as a way to cope. I always had a passion for drawing and poetry, and with that I was able to use both of my loves as a form of therapy. I have taken several of my life stories and created a book of poetry and short stories, which are based on prior and present events in my life. I actually made a promise to my grandmother and myself to be as successful as I can be. I am determined to succeed in life, because I know that my grandmother is watching over me. My biggest accomplishment recently was going from my 68 average to 89, which placed me in the high honor roll.
Do you have any special traditions you keep up since she passed?
Before my grandmother passed away, every year a week before Christmas she and I would go out shopping and pick out Christmas gifts for everyone in the family. Christmas was one of her favorite holidays.
What’s one thing someone told you after you lost her that truly comforted you?
After my grandmother passed away, people would always tell me how good of a person she was, however, it was time for her to be at peace because she was suffering. The one thing that that stood out to me was when someone told me my grandmother was an Angel from heaven sent here to take care of me for a certain amount of time. This person said she had to go back home because she was needed, and that she will always be right by my side, looking over me.
Do you have a quote/saying/book/song/etc. that you go to every time you miss him/her?
My grandmother used to love the song “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” by Diana Ross. Whenever I listen to this song, I think about all the moments we shared together. All the good times we had driving around in her car and singing out loud like we were the only two people in the world. It seemed like every time that song came on our world was ok.
What would you tell someone who just lost someone they love?
I would tell them that I’ve been there, and even though that person is gone, it’s not an excuse to give up on life. I would tell them to use the love and memories they have from that person and try to be the best they can be, because that is what they would want. I would also tell them that although, it hurts like hell, and your heart is broken, remember the values they instilled in you and keep it near and dear, because although you don’t see them there spirit will always be with you, watching over you.
What’s one thing you’ve learned about grieving that you feel isn’t said enough?
What I learned most about grieving is that talking about it helps. When I started to talk about her death I was able to find out I wasn’t alone. I learned through my grieving that sometimes people are sincerely concerned, and they actually care that you are hurting. Grieving my grandmother has helped me to keep her memory alive. One of the most important things I learned was that depression, and anxiety can sneak into your life very quickly when grieving, if you are not able to release those emotions.